Hope, Pain

I Do Not Lie Here Alone

Dear Jesus,

I’m lying here in pain,

Struck down and at the lowest place.

Pain consumes my world,

And the more I think of the pain the worse it is.

Others just can’t imagine how pain can reduce your consciousness down.

But it seeps my brain, it fogs my awareness.

It hurts.

I long for the peace and relief of heaven,

Sometimes I just want to die and be done with it.

But I know that wouldn’t help those I love.

I remind myself constantly that I am here for them,

That they need me here, they need what I bring, they need my love.

I swing back and forth, the pain makes me feel worthless and useless,

But then I call to you,

Lord Jesus, crucified, betrayed, buried, descended into hell,

I call to you Jesus in my pain,

I remember that you not only bore humanity and frailty for me,

I remember that you still bear the pain with me,

I know that even when you seem far,

You are in fact the closest,

And the proof of this is your cross,

That God-forsaken tree of pain,

That place of shame where God could never possibly be,

Has been taken by your love,

And if you God, can be on the God-forsaken cross,

Then you can be with me in this pain.

Lord Jesus, I remember your love,

Lord Jesus, I remember your death,

Lord Jesus, I remember your resurrection.

You rose!

You won!

You live!

And if you live, then I can live,

If you won, then I can win with you,

If you rose, then I can rise above this pain,

Because you promised to share your victory with me.

Lord Jesus, I trust you, I welcome your Holy Spirit.

I don’t understand this pain,

But I am yours to use,

So that even in this moment of helplessness,

I may live for others,

And share your self-giving love with the World.

Thank you Jesus,

That you share this pain,

And that I do not lie here alone.

Amen.

 

– Matt.